Sunday, June 03, 2007

Out of bitterness. Written 2/10/2006

7 years lost, one son gained, experienced infidelity from the other side this time around. Then...
Powertripped my way into his heart and mind, more than a willing participant. I only did what I set out to do, even told you the first 60 seconds of meeting you. I really want you, and you will leave your wife for me, it will run its course, and I will be blissfully alone in my self contained misery.
I want to experience everything, the good the bad, the highs and lows, No in between extremes.
I want to get as close to death as possible, fuck anyone who appeals to me, no strings attached, give everything I own away to all the needy victims of life, then move to Portland right after seeing the Eifle Tower he promised to take me to.
If I had the money, I'd pull my kids out of the public school system and give them a REAL education all around the world. Show us what life really is out of the bubble.
I am a child raising children, in a world that wont exist much longer. Our gift to them.
Im still chomping at the bit to fulfill what is less empty, but still longing for more.
Tired of always "doing the right thing"
I live and thrive on pain. I was raised that way. Its nature versus nurture and my father made sure I suffered like him.
All strength came from him, fear and a series of mixed messages from my mother.
I choose to break the cycle for my little ones.
If I die tomorrow, I have no regrets, for I gave life to the two most amazing children.

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