I look around and see how much I have and no matter how kind I may be to my patients at work, how loving I try to be towards my children, no matter how much effort I put into being a better "me" its never enough. I feel like I should be doing more. I feel stuck. Dare I say, stagnant... Im so lucky to be surrounded by loving, caring, people. I try hard not to ever forget that. I am blessed on so many levels, but whenever I start to feel content, I want to do more. My previous routine would be to pack up, go on a road trip, move, whatever, just runaway. From what? I still dont know. I look around and feel guilty. I see kids at my work that have so much less than my kids have. The families I deal with are dirt poor, and with the exception of a few, they are profoundly happy and close. They are grateful for the care we give them, they love there children, they are patient with them, and want whats best for them. Then I look at my kids and see how much they have. How much WE have. My kids (and myself included) are always wanting more. If they just get this Xbox 360 they "will never ask for anything again" Its a pattern that we all fall into and I want to be content without all this "stuff" I want to teach my kids to truly be grateful for all they have and know what its like to be present, and not to wait for things. I want to teach them these things, but how can I when I am just like them? I think about my tax return and all the "stuff " I can get from it. Its sickening.
New Years Resolution: Give.