Sunday, September 27, 2009

We set a date

October 2011. Kinda funny at first he wanted Feburary. I explained that we cant get married in Feburary, because thats when Sam and I got married and that would be to weird. Instead I suggested Janurary. No-can-do, thats when he married whats her face. Okay try again, he asked about April since its right before it starts to get really hot down here. Nope thats when I married Sean. So.... October it is.
We are going for an Asian theme, since he is afterall half Vietnemese. We dont want anything to big, just something simple. We have both been down this road before and we really see no need to have anything to extravagent.
Thats all the details we have come up with so far. What I Do know for sure is, even though we have been married previously, we are both in a place now in our lives where we both equally want the same things. We both support each other and have so much respect for one another, and that alone is already more than what our last unions had. This relationship is, dare I say, effortless. For the first time, its just easy. We dont have to TRY to get along, or TRY to understand each other, we just live a simple life where we just love and appreciate each other. So in the end, this is a win-win situation for the kids as well. I remember hearing a quote, "the best gift a father can give to his children, is to love there mother" Very profound on so many levels. It is so true and I cant agree with that quote anymore. My boys see there mother being adored and respected, and I adore and respect Tom. I hope when they are older and in relationships, they respect there significant others the way Tom and I do. And it also goes both ways, I dont ever want them to stay in a toxic relationship. I want them to recognize what "love" is, and maybe more importanly, know what love isnt. If Im ever going to save them some heartache, and encourage them to develop healthy relationships, then I know I have to be the example. I think being in my 30's also adds to my healthier state of mind.
To be honest, I never officially or leagally changed my last name to Kelley. I couldnt do it. I stalled, I made excuses, and then realized that maybe perhaps on a subconcious level, I knew it would never last. Funny how crystal clear everything becomes with a little time and space to gather your thoughts and analyze them. With that said, I must also admit, I have no regrets. I am slowly coming to terms with my failed marriage to Sean, and know 100% without a doubt, I would not be who I am today, and better yet would not appreciate what I have with Tom. Awww, clarity. I still have my moments when I remember something terrible from my past and get angry and upset all over again. I am still growing and will always be a work in progress. What I have found that helps me stay in check is this, I do not see Sean in Steveo, but I absolutely see Steveo in Sean, and that makes it impossible to hate and resent him. So after all of my soul-searching and love of Buddhism and all of its meaning, I have in a way, come full circle. So I guess what Im trying to say is, Im ready. I am ready to marry my best friend, my first highschool crush, and someone that I have always loved and admired since I was 13 years old. This truly is a dream come true for me.


amy said...

This post gives me the chills and leaves me in tears.

Steph said...

Thank You, it was straight from the heart and it felt really good to write and get it out.