Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Say hello to my little friend

This is my "Sancho"
The whole point in being a home owner in the desert was to provide stability for the boys, and I could be close to my stable, wonderful job at JFK, and its less expensive then San Clemente. I feel bad, like I coerced Tom into buying down here. Its not as if I could have predicted the economy going to shit, and me being layed off. Well 3.5 years later, he still cant find a job down here. So, Mon thru Thursday, he is in Orange County and I am here all by my lonesome.
My insomnia is worse when he's gone. He's like my security blanket (my other one)
So, in a desperate attempt to fall asleep, I put one of his shirts (not washed, that would defeat the purpose) over my body pillow. So now I can cuddle next to him, smell him, AND Charlie doesnt even get jealous. I have to say it makes me feel needy and pathetic and almost co-dependent. Ive always walked the fine line of co-dependency, but this time its different. Its a pillow, a pillow that smells like Tom and gave me the best nights sleep.


amy said...

Everything happens for a reason and someday the reason for this situation will be discovered.

Steph said...

I know, it just hurts when he leaves, and for the most part, I think Im rather independent, so I am at odds with myself over these feelings. Ive always despised feeling like I need to have someone here to make me happy. I am generally happy without him. Its just Im elated when he walks through the door, and he truly is my best friend, and just when I think it cant get any better, it does. I didnt know it would be this long. I used to love my alone time, with just me and the boys, but it feels incomplete when he's not around. I think Im PMSing too.