Thursday, July 01, 2010
My heart is full.
I remember when I met him. It was the summer break before I was to start highschool. He was my sisters age and going into his Junior year. For me, it was instant attraction. Never had I felt that way before. Butterflies in the pit of my stomach, trying so hard to look older and capture his attention. I remember his voice was so deep, he sounded older than he was. His dark hair and dark eyes made me stare. After telling him how I felt, he crushed me. My first bruise to the ego. I instantly regretted telling him.
Years went on, communication slowed down to a final halt on September 11th. I remember watching the news and seeing the horrible images from planes crashing into buildings. I remember feeling nauseous at the thought of Tom going overseas to fight in a war. On that last conversation he assured me everything would be fine and he probably would not have to go.
It was 2006 and I received a message from him on my answering machine. I had just been talking about him to a friend. I was in shock when I saw his name on the caller ID. It felt as if my constant thoughts of him somehow brought him to me. I was single and content with my life in Redlands with just me and my boys. I was not opposed to a relationship but I knew from my last break-up that I could not endure another heartbreak.
July 1st, he came to help me pack up and move back to the desert from Redlands. That night we drank wine and talked forever, each filling in the gaps of our time apart. After we finished off the bottle and I had some liquid courage in my blood stream, I verbally spilled years of my thoughts and feelings to him. All my armor was down and I let it out not caring if I would regret it or not. I told him I loved him and fell asleep next to him.
We took things slow. We were honest with each other, we were respectful with each others space. It became so natural after a while, and felt so perfect. I am so grateful that him and I never got together any sooner. We needed to experience the negative first before we could be together and appeciate all the gifts we bring to each other.
I still feel the spark and the butterflies from that night. I still have nothing but love and respect for him, wanting nothing more than to be Mrs Murlless. Finally.