Thursday, January 27, 2011

exploring the city at night perfect cure for insomnia

Its like Im having a creative midlife crisis. I am exploring all mediums from water colors, charcoal, transfers onto any surface that comes to mind, to sewing. My room is a mess, there is paint everywhere, my clothes and hands are paint stained and there are  paint brushes everywhere and fabric on the floor of every room. I start one thing then move to another room and start a new thing then get tired, read, pick up the boys, help with homework, tear out images from magazines, leave it and go to a different room,  and its just become one big giant artfest here. I read that when you start using your left side of the brain you become calm. I noticed this a few years back when I was coloring mandalas with Steveo, it was hypnotic, meditative. So now my head is flooded with ideas and its hard to sleep. And its not only that, but I hate clutter and messiness. I guess tomorrow I should try to organize my home. (and my life)

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Book Love

Photo by Steph

I am in need of a book that doesn't make me cry. I love to read and lately Ive been into hardcore depressing stories such as my anthrax novel titled "Vaccine A". Basically, it makes me not trust the CDC, US government, FDA, and all the other acronyms I cant remember at this moment. I hate being told I HAVE TO do something. If I was in the military, I would be forced to receive an anthrax vaccine or else be court marshaled. Well this book talks about vaccines, specifically the Anthrax vaccine, and what happens when you mix it with oil. (most vaccines are mixed with an oil a.k.a an adjuvant) so now we have a whole lot of once healthy men coming home with auto immune diseases. Scary. Now I'm reading a book called, "Boy alone" its written by a man who has an autistic brother and how it effects the whole family. I am almost done with it now, but I am definitely ready for some uplifting books. Maybe I will read "The Darwin Awards" that I bought Nick for Christmas, its about stupid people doing stupid things and dying in the process thus removing themselves from the gene pool hence the name Darwin award.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

The road less traveled

I got word of a family friend that died. He was far to young, only 22. I drove to Las Vegas for the memorial. I took a different route. I drove through Landers. The mountains were hypnotic. I'm surrounded by them everyday, but on this road they felt different. Desolate roads always lead to beautiful sightings. Even abandoned houses have a beauty about them, or maybe I am just growing emotional over the death of my friend. Death does that. It magnifies every detail of that persons life and who they were and you begin to question your own life and what you have or have not accomplished, usually becoming overwhelmed with emotion during the process.
I have come  to despise Las Vegas, and going there for a funeral doesn't help. I remember the first visit. I went to see my friend, the girl with the blond hair and the huge smile. I remember seeing the lights, going into a casino for the first time. It was sensory overload, but exciting and new as well. My friend and I were close. Like sisters. We could finish each others sentences. I visited often, usually in the middle of the night if I couldn't sleep. I would arrive as the sun was coming up and she would always welcome me with open arms. She was the girl that taught me things.  Some good, some bad but always fun and memorable. She was the one I told all my secrets to. She knew me well and I always looked up to her. The way she was carefree, her sarcasm, her dark sense of humor and her wit. But my friend also had a sadness about her. She did what she could to hide this sadness, but I could feel it. I knew it was there. She had lost people that she loved, and it seems to me she has never been the same. Its been about 5 years since we have spoken. I still keep in touch with her family. This is how I came upon the news of her brother dying. Another tragedy another loss for her.. We had a falling out some time ago and it feels like forever since I have heard her voice. I miss my friend. She made it known she didn't want to see me at the funeral. I promised to stay out of her way.
I saw my friend and her family sitting together. I sat in the row ahead of them.  I saw a picture of Joey, her brother that died way to young. It didn't feel real. I sat up front staring at his picture listening to all his loved ones. One by one, speaking about him, about his life, his love of life, his devotion to his family and friends. And when it was my friends turn to speak, I almost walked out. She was shaking, in pain, she is fragile and has been hurt so much. Through blurs and tears I watched her and in my head I was screaming I love you Sara I love you I love you I love you...
Today I said goodbye to Joey, to the little boy I will always remember with the big brown eyes and freckled cheeks. I will miss him. I will always love his family that endured so much. The family that at one time became broken by unfortunate circumstances that left all the siblings scattered throughout different states. We all came together today to say goodbye, and although I didn't get to hug my friend, I will continue to send love her way.

Saturday, January 08, 2011

Karma points, and painting

I'm trying to do a good deed a day. I took Steveo to the dollar store and we stocked up on pet supplies. We headed down to the Orphan pet oasis in Palm Springs and donated it all. It was cool to bring Steveo along to hopefully, follow my lead. I am such an animal lover and it breaks my heart when I see an animal without a home. I just want to take them all home with me.

Love my animal


poor baby

I spent all last week painting, taking pictures, painting some more and reading up on humanitarian work abroad. This new year, I plan to pursue all my creative endeavors, do a good deed each day, tell my boys how much I love them, learn to sew, and travel to a place where I could make a difference.

Sunday, January 02, 2011

ordinary calm zen day in front of the fire

It was cold in our house. We made a fire and layed next to it while Steveo fired nerf rounds over us. Then, Tom and Steveo made pizzas for dinner. Seeing them together in the kitchen warms my heart. It is a gift that is so simple but rarely had. Nick spends hours on the phone with his female "friend" He is a true teenage boy that loves his "space". These quiet calm moments are what life is about. And as always, I am just trying to live in the present as much as possible.

Welcome 2011, Adios 2010

 Family and friends are paramount and they make life so much sweeter. For 2011 I have a very simple wish. I want peace and zen for me and my loved ones. Thats it. Easy like Sunday morning.
Happy New Year to all!!!!!!!