Monday, December 29, 2008

Pop rocks, Kandinsky, football; Mother of the f@#$%^& Year


1. Put batteries in Nicks walkie-talkies so I can have contact with him whenever I want (overprotective much) CHECK
2. Calls to dentist make appts for us, call and cancel Timewarner because they suck, plead with the IRS not to come after for a couple more months, calls to check into homeschooling because LQMS sucks, calls to refill scripps ( for mothers little helpers) call to make appt with my doc for lab results, CHECK (WELL ALMOST ALL)
3. Take Steve0 to get art supplies to do a Kandinsky-like landscape and make hand made crafty thank yous, then bribe him with PopRocks to be good while shopping. CHECK
4. Watch Steveo ingest PopRocks for the first time and laugh and get nostalgic about going to the Palm Desert mall with Elizabeth and buying PopRocks from Whats-Up (the coolest store in the mall at that time) CHECK
5. Coming home to find a bunch of kids in my house. CHECK
6. Distract Steveo from throwing massive tantrum because he cannot follow Nick and his friends to there "club house" in the middle of the desert, and thus offering bubblegum and other sweets to him. CHECK
7. Finishing Steveos Kandinsky city scape that was 97% done. CHECK
8. Allow Steveo to demonstrate how to throw a football so Im not so "girly" CHECK
9. Yell at Nick for coming home at 4:45 instead of 4:00 like I asked (in front of all his friends) CHECK
10. Clean house, do more laundry, pet Charlie (I think he feels left out sometimes) CHECK
11. Bribe Steveo with fast food to take a bath and put PJ's on CHECK
12. Hunt Nick down at his friends house (again) and drag his butt back. CHECK
13. Call Tom and tell him how shitty my day was, and inquire about his. CHECK
14. Read some of The System of a down biography that I got Nick (that he hasnt touched) check email, bank account and see what bills posted, lay out my scrubs for manana, pop sleeping pill. CHECK

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Winter Wonderland


I love Idyllwild. I really love not living in the snow, but having the luxury of visiting the snow fairly easily. We went sledding, built a snowman, watched the boys throw snowballs at each other, all in celebration of Steve-o's 7th birthday.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Happy Birthday My Steve-o


Its been 7 years today. You bring me so much joy, so many smiles when I watch you just being you. It almost seems selfish, how much happiness I get. You are my world baby. I want to squeeze you tight forever. Im am so grateful to be your mom. I hope one day you will understand how deeply my love for you is. Happy Birthday baby!!!!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Happy Birthday Mom

If I can be 50% of the mom you were to me, then my kids would be lucky. Im glad you are my mother, you taught me to be honest, caring, and strong. You believed in me when I didnt believe in myself. You know me better than anyone. I trust you more than anyone on the planet. You always just want whats best for me and the boys. I am so grateful to be your daughter. I love you mom. Oh, if I could buy you a mansion on the beach along with a maid and a chef, I would in a heartbeat, however, due to my negative financial status I cannot.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

There I go again off on a tangent

I look around and see how much I have and no matter how kind I may be to my patients at work, how loving I try to be towards my children, no matter how much effort I put into being a better "me" its never enough. I feel like I should be doing more. I feel stuck. Dare I say, stagnant... Im so lucky to be surrounded by loving, caring, people. I try hard not to ever forget that. I am blessed on so many levels, but whenever I start to feel content, I want to do more. My previous routine would be to pack up, go on a road trip, move, whatever, just runaway. From what? I still dont know. I look around and feel guilty. I see kids at my work that have so much less than my kids have. The families I deal with are dirt poor, and with the exception of a few, they are profoundly happy and close. They are grateful for the care we give them, they love there children, they are patient with them, and want whats best for them. Then I look at my kids and see how much they have. How much WE have. My kids (and myself included) are always wanting more. If they just get this Xbox 360 they "will never ask for anything again" Its a pattern that we all fall into and I want to be content without all this "stuff" I want to teach my kids to truly be grateful for all they have and know what its like to be present, and not to wait for things. I want to teach them these things, but how can I when I am just like them? I think about my tax return and all the "stuff " I can get from it. Its sickening.
New Years Resolution: Give.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Mr. Charlie

So last night, Charlie went stiff, his little body started contorting to a weird position, eyes glazed over, gasping for air. He gave me the scare of my life. I have only seen humans have seizures. He was wobbly for an hour after. ( The Post -ictal phase )I just kept petting him and telling him I loved him. Im waiting for the vets office to open. Im not sure why this happend, or if it was an isolated incident, but I know today, I will have him by my side all day long. They need to have a doggie 911 system for crap like this.