Sunday, April 26, 2009

Art, Music, Drinks, Friends

I love art shows. Last night was really exciting because I got to hang out with my favorite people. The band Rickshaw was good, very Trail Of Deadish. Set in a warehouse in Palm Springs, an ecclectic mix of people all came together and enjoyed the art, the drinks, and music. It was especially nice to cuddle on a comfy chair with Tom and watch the bands play and the people dance, and see Julie happy again.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

There is a light that never goes out

Justin was an enormous part of my life growing up. I believe coming from similar back grounds, along with turbulent past experiences, led our jaded souls together with such strong force. Maybe it was to put a mirror in front each other, to learn, to evolve. We both spent the entire relationship battling egos, struggling to maintain sanity, and somehow live together cohesively. I can only describe that time in my life as the happiest and most destructive, all at the same time. I never experienced an addiction stronger than him. Today, we managed to remain friends. We can go years without speaking, and then when we do, its as if no time has passed us by. I am not the same person I was then, and he is not the same either. Time has changed us. Time has made us better people, and now when I see him with his family, I cant help but feel pure joy. Im proud. Im proud of the life he has built with his wife, Im am proud of the connection he has with his son, and Im so happy that throughout everything we went through we have ended up friends.

Last night Justin and Cassie needed a babysitter. Justin called me and seemed almost hesitant to ask me, but I was so excited to hang out with his little man, and hope he realizes it wasnt a burden. To be honest, I had so much fun. After they gave me a mini inservice on the remote controls, overnight diapers, phone and how to buzz people in, they snuck out. Jordan, who just turned 2, is the happiest, sweetest, smartest little man with the biggest smile I have ever seen. We played outside running around the lawn eating popcorn. We watched Elmo 4 times, (mainly because I couldnt figure out there remote control) and after about 15 minutes, he even let me hold him. Mom came over with Steveo and we all headed out to the backyard to watch him run around and sing. He came up to my mom and sat on her lap, I saw her eyes well up with tears. I knew what she was thinking. I knew she was so happy to see the life he has created for his family. She is just as proud of Justin and happy for him as I am.
So last night was wonderful, and put me in a good mood. I hope to spend more time with them. I hope they dont ever hesitate to ask me to babysit when they need a little mommy and daddy time.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Happy Earth Day

And look who came to play with us today. Carson!!!!! Carson loves Steve-o, he loves to color, loves to do puzzles, and today I endured 3 minutes outside so they could play with chalk on the back patio. I try to always encourage creativity with the little ones, even if it is only 3 minutes.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Beauty beyond words.

I originally couldnt wait to get to Berkeley. Day one, we stopped in Carpenteria. The next morning we arrived at the most amazing park in Solvang. Nojoqui Falls Park. We saw a deer, there were trees waiting for the boys to climb, and a path that led up to a 164 ft waterfall. It was heaven on earth, and I am so excited I got to share the experience with my sons. They made the trip difficult at times, and other times I felt like I was seeing the world through a childs eyes. They taught me to take my time, be patient, and enjoy the moment.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Ostrichs are funny looking

And I want to see some. Tommorow, we plan to go to Ostrichland, then maybe a pretty park, then its back into the car for 5 wonderful hours of family bliss.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Im off again

Just Nick, Steve-o, and I, on the open road going North. North sounds good, I hope to see grey skies, maybe even encounter some rain. I hope they dont fight, I will have the Ipods charged, books, homework, anything to keep there minds occupied and off each other. I will take lots of photos along the way, and when we get to our destination. We will be right outside Berkeley, close to the B.A.R.T station and they can experience riding a subway for the first time. I cant wait. Nick has protested all day today, he wants to hang out with friends and not go on "a stupid trip". But being the evil mom I am, I will make him go. He WILL experience life, he WILL experience nature, he WILL enjoy the scenery, and he WILL love every minute of it. If not, I know at least Steveo and I will. And 2 out of 3 aint bad. I'll be back the end of the week, unless I really enjoy life among the hippies to much.

Friday, April 03, 2009

All Angels Will Rise

As the passenger of our latest roadtrip, I note in my head all the graffiti I see on the freeway. I wonder how it got in some of the places so high up. One catches my eye, In bold black print " All Angels Will Rise" Im tired and the sun is going down. In the back, the kids all have there Ipods on, tuning Eliz and I out.
I see train tracks and a train covered with graffiti, and remember taking pictures late at night with Sam on the railroad tracks in North Indio. Even when the train was miles away coming towards us, it was so loud and the earth shook beneath us. It was powerful to say the least. It passes us, our hearts pounding, spot light blinding us, deafening high pitched rumble, wind blowing in our faces. Then silence. It was as if we survived an earthquake.
Elizabeth is concentrating on the road, I follow the train until its out of my sight. I imagine myself back on the train tracks of North Indio. Its late, its dusty, and I see him. I ask him if he remembers me. I know he's in a dark place. I know he's fallen on hard times. He has a bottle in his right hand. He doesnt want to talk. I ask him to sit with me, and he does. He offers me a drink, and we share whats left in the bottle. He lets me talk, I tell him about Sam, and I tell him how hard it is for Nick to grow up without him. I tell him all boys need there fathers. I ask him about his sons. He is proud of them, he feels guilty for not being there for them. He feels he cannot go back. I tell him nothing else matters. I know he doesnt believe me, but if I can just get him to trust me... I ask him if he remembers talking to me on the phone for hours when I was sobbing hysterically after James broke up with me. I tell him how he made me feel so much better. He had the right words, he was strong and he had such a big heart. I tell him I understand people who love so much hurt so much too. Its like you cant experience all the love without feeling all the pain, it goes hand in hand. But when you enter darkness, you eventually reach the point where you feel the happiness with equal intensity. They balance themselves out. I want to bring him out of his darkness. I want him to live...
Its getting late and Elizabeth is trying to find a station, and in my mind I cant help but reapeat All Angels Will Rise.