Wednesday, January 28, 2009

My love

He knew me before I became jaded. I loved him, he didnt love me, I ended up with his best friend who eventually broke my heart for the first time. I always wondered what if. 19 years after this photo was taken, we are together. I love him. I really do. I wish I never went through all the messes with past boyfriends. I loved before with everything I had and one by one, was let down. Male or female, if you had that lost look in your eyes, I would latch on so tight and spend so much energy fearing and awaiting the end, anticipating how it would all play out. I was certain it wouldnt be good. The result... Im callused on the outside, I dont feel as much. I dont do it on purpose, Im just that way. Its to bad because with all the pain I wont feel, I wont feel the true love either. I am a work in progress. I know if anyone deserves 100% of me, it is Tom. I have so much love and admiration for him. He brings me peace everyday, and I learn from him everyday. I am trying to let go of old wounds from all my past battles, and move forward giving my all to him and my children. Because in the end, he is the one who gave me my life back, and how can you repay someone for that?

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

More Yoga

My goal is for more Yoga, because it puts me in a trance and feels like a massage on the inside. And dont we all love to have our insides massaged once in a while?

Rollin with the G's

So I started school last night. The thought of taking Chemistry was to daunting, and so the idea of taking a class somewhere other than C.O.D where I could get into the class I needed without Chem sounded good to me. So my co-worker, we'll just call her "A" suggested we take a class together at Mt San Jacinto College. "Its only an hour away and there is never a waiting list to get in to the classes there, we could even carpool" Sounded great to me. She even went so far as to register me and sign me up. So our first class started at 5:00pm. I figured we should leave at around 3:30 at the latest. You know, just in case there is traffic, we get lost, cant find parking etc. I gave her directions to my house and told her I would wait outside my house at 3:30. Well after 4:15 rolls around, I think to myself, I dont really know this girl, maybe she's really flaky and isnt going to show up. Still, I wait outside with my new back to school supplies, and Iced green tea. Then, at 4:35, a silver Ford with very dark tinted windows speeds up to my curb. The driver (her boyfriend I presume) is a big guy, with a shaved head, lots of tatoos, hispanic, blasting Warren G. Ummm, I notice "A" in the passenger seat. I get in, she tells me she has to drop him off in Palm Springs and then we will go, she says a few other things but I cant hear because the music is so loud and vibrating my whole body. I just smile. He gets on the freeway and floors it. Now I think to myself, this would really suck if we get pulled over. He looks like a gang member so if we do get pulled over, Im sure the car will be searched... We get to Desert Hospital where we drop him off (his mom is having surgery) I get in the front seat and "A" gets in the drivers seat. In her cute little high pitched voice she tells me, "my boyfriend didnt like the idea of 2 girls alone in the car so I have a 25 in the glove box" You have 25 what? You know a 25. A handgun, you know just in case. Now I thought I was badass for having the pepperspray Tom gave me... She shows me the gun, I look at the clock and its 4:55. She speeds to Mt San Jacinto College. We arrive at 5:30, go to class, leave class, go to Desert Hospital where her boyfriend is waiting with his family and as we pull up, he gets the gun out and shows it off to the family. Im looking around and thinking to myself, if we get pulled over, I dont know any of these people. On the drive home, he asked me to hold the gun. I dont want to but I do because he asked me to. I tell him its very cute. ( I didnt know what else to say) he tells me he is armed at all times and that he never "rolls without at least one automatic weapon" In an attempt to sound cool I say, yeah I know you always have to be prepared, you never know whats gonna go down. Hell yeah true dat, he says. He tells me of all the times he's been shot at, his Honda that has bullet holes all over the drivers side, all 24 funerals he attended before the age of 21, (I think he's only like 23 or 24) It was very interesting. And when we pull up to my house, he tells me that a lot of his G's break into houses in my neighborhood, but he will tell them to stay away from mine. I thank him, shake his hand and remind him to tell his G's that Im cool stay away from my crib. And off they went.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Its about time

What an exciting day. Obama is oficially president, Steveo had his first soccer practice and did very well, Nick discovered he loves photography, I lit candles in my living room and did 40 minutes of Yoga. (ouch)
Tomorrow is a new day, and even though I got shitcanned effective Jan 29th , I will try to give all I can to my patients, afterall, its punishment enough to have to be a patient at JFK hospital, they shouldnt have to deal with a bitchy nurse on top of that.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Just say Om while standing in the un-employment line

There is a reason for everything. So Im told. Hard times for everyone. Just today, Im going to sleep and drink cheap champagne until tomorrow... I will then stop feeling sorry for myself and put the pieces together one by one, swallow my pride and move forward. I have been through worse. I will not panic, because maybe, this is the universes way of directing me to another path.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

I wish

I had a tree for Steveo to climb.

It rained more often.

Mokie Kitty was still here with me.

Elizabeth lived closer.

Sara wasnt so fucked up.

I could go to Vietnam, tomorrow.

I could see At The Drive In, live.

My sister and I got along like we did 20 years ago.

My parents could have there dream home by the beach.

I wasnt allergic to pets (even though I have them)

I could find a cure for my insomnia that didnt involve drugs. (legal or otherwise)

I could spend a day in San Fransisco and see a movie in the old theater in The Castro, and then come home.

I could find the rose ring my mom gave me years ago.

Could be friends with a buddhist monk who could tell me how to be an effective parent.

I had cable (what was I thinking)

I could spend a week at the beach just reading.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

I love my days with them

Even though I had to force Nick to hang out with us, I still had a blast. We went to Civic Center Park, played football, soccer, fed the ducks. Tom has more patience than anyone human being I know. I love him. I love watching him with them. And just as I promised, Nick had fun too, and made a friend.