My favorite photo from Idyllwild this weekend

So the water was all sorts of disgusting, but with my magic camera (thanks Tom) It looks as if we stumbled onto a peaceful pond with fairies and gnomes and so many other beautiful creatures. In reality, it was foul and Nick was fixated on the tiny parasitic creatures swimming around. My son, the future entomologist... Go Nick!!!!

I can still feel him.

Sometimes when I visit him, Im okay. Other times it hits me like a ton of bricks. I still cannot believe he's gone. It all happend so fast, in an instant our lives changed forever. Today, I went to the cemetery with red roses, just like the ones he would bring me. This time, there were 2 bunnies right by his grave. I tried to walk slowly and quietly as to not scare them away, I got a picture of them. It almost looks like they were kissing.


Then came the dragonflys. I tried to tell Julie about them, I told her how they are usually swarming around his grave and this time was no different. I would like to believe it is Sams way of saying hello. His way of proving to me he IS still here. I may not see him, but sometimes I feel him. I feel him watching over us. I know he is proud of his son, and I hope that when its my turn to go, he is waiting for me.

May 6th

So I didnt go to the cemetery, I bought him some flowers, and invited Nick to come with me this time. He declined. And Im ok with that. I dont want this to be a day where we wallow and cry. Its been 12 years. Nick knows who his father was by all the stories I have told him. He doesnt have any recollection of him, only pictures and a few videos we had converted to DVD for him. Tonight, I want to watch them again. If Nick wants to, he is more than welcome to watch with me. Either way, Im not going to wallow in pity.

Gram time

I dont know how she does it, but her presence alone makes me calm. She is the epitome of class. I love my Gram. I can turn to her for anything and she listens with patience and always has the right words. Oh and she is beautiful. Her eyes sparkle when she smiles, and at 80 something years young, she still has a youthful glow about her. She is one of a kind.